false alarm. still invincible.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
