just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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