he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
