Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
