i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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