Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
