The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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