Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize