Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
