Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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