Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Too much gin, very little bucket
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize