i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
