she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
