1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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