ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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