never play flip cup with pint glasses
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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