You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
