i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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