your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Also, beer. Big fan.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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