just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
