I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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