College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
