We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
