My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
