Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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