I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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