i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
