I love black thongs
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
