AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
