i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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