WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
