rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
