Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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