Only a mothe r could love this liver
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
