I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
