thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
