i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
