I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
How's work?
Spinning.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Bring me that man meat
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
