if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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