guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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