We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
