I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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