Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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