What a fucking waste of an outfit
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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