So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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