There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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