im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
