Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
