all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
