i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
He did a backflip because drugs
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
