His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
