youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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