Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
