I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
