my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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