you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
