the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
