There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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