About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
