I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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