but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Randomize
