You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
