WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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