I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
