yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
