I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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