what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
