Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
