You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
