i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
