Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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