I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Randomize
