when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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