the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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