I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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