also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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