the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
