remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Randomize
