Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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