umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I am midnight drunk by noon
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
