nut hugger
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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