i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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