Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
