I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize