i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
