note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
