he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
