dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
