I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
