Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
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