My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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