You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
