I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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