i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
