so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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