is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
