he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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