I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Dicks are not precious.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
