There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
