pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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