Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
